The commanding officer of a ship in the U. S. Navy was
about to start the morning briefing to the wardroom.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing,
the Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night
before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound
sleep. He posed the question of just how much of
love-making was 'work' and how much of it was
'pleasure?'

The executive officer chimed in with 75-25% in favor of
work. A lieutenant said it was 50-50%.

The operations officer responded with 25-75% in favor of
pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the
time..

There being no consensus, the Captain turned to the seaman
who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS
opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young seaman responded,
'Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.'

The Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked
Why?

Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the
officers would have me doing it for them.'

The room fell silent.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa.
'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a break even.

But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.'

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

I LIKE Grandpa........

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.


'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.


'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.


'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'



But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'




You're gonna LOVE me for this....



The third piggy says -



'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Can you imagine this guy going 90 mph on his way to Dallas with these balloons trailing a few yards behind him?

Instructions for a fun time on the interstate...............
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of a hell!
Step 3. Watch people freak out!!!!





I don't care who you are....that's funny.

_________________

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS ***

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with
that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He was complaining that the work had been completed a
whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean
that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last
year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? It's been a year, I told him. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.
He never called back.

I bet he felt like an idiot.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

We can alll be so proud of the Atlanta Education System....

This is an actual picture of a Burger King in Atlanta

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

My name is turbo and I had a drug problem.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

""WHITE" Pride"
This is great. I have been wondering about why Whites are racists, and no other race is......
Proud to be White

Michael Richards makes his point...............
Michael Richards better known as Kramer from TVs Seinfeld does make a good point.
This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act. He makes some very interesting points...


Someone finally said it. How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc.

And then there are just Americans. You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me 'White boy,' 'Cracker,' 'Honkey,' 'Whitey,' 'Caveman'... a nd that's OK.


But when I call you, n!&&$r, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink .. You call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you... so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day.

You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day.

You have Yom Hashoah. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.


You have the NAACP. You have BET.... If we had WET (White Entertainment Television), we'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists.

If we had White History Month, we'd be racists.

If we had any organization for only whites to 'advance' OUR lives, we'd be racists.


We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of C ommerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce.. Wonder who pays for that??


A white woman could not be in the Miss Black American pageant, but any color can be in the Miss America pageant.


If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships... You know we'd be racists.

There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US Yet if there were 'White colleges', that would be a racist college.


In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.


You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist..

I am proud... But you call me a racist.


Why is it that only whites can be racists??


There is nothing improper about this e-mail. Let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on. I sadly don't think many will. That's why we have LOST most of OUR RIGHTS in this country. We won't stand up for ourselves!


BE PROUD TO BE WHITE!



It's not a crime YET ...... but getting very close!

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word
on nutrition and health:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart
attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what
kills you. But don't worry, your Government is trying to correct this problem.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

now that is need to know info

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

Last week I purchased a burger and fries at McDonalds for $3.58.

The counter girl took my $4.00 and I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies. While looking at the screen on her register, I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this?


Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s......

Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math In 2007

Un ranchero vende una carretera de aderapara $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar?

The other day, my friends and I went to a Gentleman's Club. One of the guys wanted to impress the rest of us, so he pulled out a $10 bill. When the dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to her butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. He calls the girl back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to her other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the girl over, and licks the bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately he just stuck it to one of her butt cheeks, again. My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things are going, the girl gyrates over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy's are egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? Then the marketer in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of her butt, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home. . .

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

While visiting a gentleman's club, I noticed one of the dancers had a large tattoo on her inner thigh. As the evening went along, curiosity got the best of me, so I asked the dancer about her tattoo. She came over to where is was sitting and said "it's a sea shell..." as she pushed my face into her crotch "when you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean."

The Chicago, Detroit, and East LA Schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations! It's about time!

NAME____________________

GANG/CREW NAME______________

CRIB_________________

1. Ramon has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shootin.
How many mofos can Ramon ice on a drive-by before he gotta reload?

2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?

5. Desmond gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother's bail?

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?

9. LaShaunda is a lookout for the gang. LaShaunda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat.
If LaShaunda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's income?

10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

new diet



Yesterday I was buying a 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Walmart,

for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus.

I was about to check out when a woman behind me
asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't
have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I
probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the
bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive
care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both
arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt
and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

_________________

Why men shouldn't take notes!

_________________
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." -Henry Ford

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette
> > Convertible out of the
> > dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80
> > mph, enjoying the
> > wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
> > "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75,
> > pushing the pedal even more.
> > Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper
> > behind him, blue
> > lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100
> > mph, then 110, then
> > 120. Suddenly he thought,"What am I doing? I'm too
> > old for this!" and he
> > pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
> > Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the
> > Corvette, looked at his
> > watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.
> > Today is Friday. If you
> > can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard
> > before, I'll let you
> > go."
> > The old gentleman paused and said, "Three years ago,
> > my wife ran off with a
> > Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her
> > back."
> >
> > "You have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
> >

Drinking with a Redneck Girl

A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,

'In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'



' God Bless America '

The Blind Cowboy
>
>
>
> An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-female biker bar
> by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some
> coffee.
>
> After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waitress;
> 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
>
> The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very
> deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says; 'Before
> you tell that joke, Cowboy,
>
> I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you
> should know five things:
>
> 1. The bartender is a blonde woman with a baseball bat.
>
> 2. The bouncer is a blonde woman with a Taser.
>
> 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a
> black belt in karate.
>
> 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a
> professional weightlifter.
>
> 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional
> wrestler.
>
> 'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still
> wanna tell that joke?'
>
> The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and
> mutters;
>
> 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five
> times.'

_________________

I think that is the best quote of the decade.






Judge Judy to prostitute : 'So when did you realize you were raped?'

Prostitute, wiping away tears: 'When the check bounced.'

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Y'all, I don't know if this has been posted before or not, but I thought it was hilarious!

The Man Rules

Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear " the rules" From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials...

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, engines, beer or sex.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.


Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Which one have you had lately??

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".

The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

The 7th kind of sex is called Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

LMAO.........hope this is not a repost somewhere.

Listen to what the wife says about 3/4ths the way through.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

firebug had to ride the bus.



firebugs car was broke, so he had to ride the bus to work.His wife had been feeding him beans for 2 days, so the gas pains were bad. He really didn't want to fart in public & have everyone look at him, but then realized, the music was loud enough to mask the noise, so he timed his gas passing to the loudest parts of the song.:whistle: & boy, did he rip some loud ones. As he exited the bus, he noticed everyone giving him the evil eye. He thought, why are they looking at me, there is no way they could have heard them over them music. Then suddenly, he realized, he was listening to his ipod.



sorry buddy

_________________